Ok, I’m playing a blog meme game. Through a series of clicks on other people’s blogs, I found a fun game to play. The basic concept is that you type your name and then the word “needs” into your Google search bar. I recommend typing the phrase with quotes around it. For example, I typed “Karen needs” for mine. Then you list the top 10 things that come up with that phrase. I cheated a bit–I did not use the results that came up from other people’s blogs. I only am using the phrases that were on non-blog websites.

Here’s what I came up with when I Googled my “needs.”

Karen needs:
1. … to grow up!
2. … a new job.
3. … a man.
4. … coffee.
5. … to have full carbohydrate stores and be well hydrated.
6. … to write the article for the conference and submit it to the Daily Bruin.
7. … the baby.
8. … to contact Doug regarding ordering apples.
9. … folks who can appear.
10. … additional time for laundry and changing bed linen because she is incontinent.

Gee, if I had to pick my favorite, I’d say it’s a toss up between numbers 3 and 10!

Any of my readers who want to play along, leave me a comment saying you’re playing. Make sure your blog is linked. If you don’t have a blog and want to play, feel free to list your top 10 in the comment section!

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I enjoyed sharing my other telemarketer story with you. I think it helped prove a point: I had too much time on my hands before I had children. That very well could explain another telemarketer game I played.

Mike and I were living in a fairly small 2-bedroom apartment just north of OSU’s campus. It was a nice enough place–clean, secure, big enough for a couple without children. Apparently the telemarketer who called me thought it needed more.

NEW WINDOWS!

So Mr. Telemarketer gives his initial spiel with information about who he is, what he’s selling, and why it’s the next best thing since sliced bread. He then asks me some questions to check my interest in his product.

Were my windows drafty? (well, no they weren’t, but I told them they were)
Did the inside of my windows become frosty in the winter? (again, no, but I played along and said they were)
Was my heating bill higher than I thought it should be? (sure, isn’t it always?)

Several more questions with affirmative answers and he was ready to come over to give me my free estimate. I conveyed to him how excited I was to receive his call and how much I needed new windows. I was just about ready to set up the appointment for my estimate when I paused. I stammered a bit. And then I said, “You know, I rent this apartment. Maybe I should speak with my landlord about having new windows installed.”

<click>

HA!

Karen 2, Telemarketer 0

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We are still without a functioning dishwasher. I can’t bring myself to pay money to replace ours just yet. Even if I was willing, we haven’t had the time to go out dishwasher shopping. Every time Mike is off work, we have something going on to prevent us from schlepping to Home Depot or Sears. At first it wasn’t so bad. We were very careful about the number of dishes we used. Everyone would reuse the same cup all day. We’d be aware of how many dirty dishes we were creating. As time went on, we’ve started to go back to our old routines, for example: using a new cup every time we wanted a drink. Between the four of us, that adds up to a lot more cups. A lot more plates. A lot more silverware.

One day, sensing my frustration at the heap of dirty dishes in the sink, Mike offered to wash them. Instead of having dish duty, I took out the garbage and wiped the table and counters. But I kept one eye on the dish washing progress. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Sure, Mike was washing the dishes, but he wasn’t doing it MY way.

He wasn’t using the Handi-wipe, he was using the stinky Dobie pad to wash everything. He was letting the water run way too much. He wasn’t rinsing the dishes with hot enough water. He was putting the rinsed dishes into the dishwasher (our glorified dish drainer) without letting them drip first. Because of this, water was accumulating in the bottom of the dishwasher. Since we can’t turn the dishwasher on, it was just going to sit there and stagnate.

I should have just walked away. I should have known that everything would turn out fine. We wouldn’t die of some horrible disease because the dishes weren’t washed with a clean Handi-wipe. We wouldn’t breed mosquitos in the stagnant water in the dishwasher. We wouldn’t drain the well or fill the septic tank with one overzealous dish washing episode. Yes, I should have just shut up and walked away.

But for those who know me, you’ll all know that’s not what I did. I called Mike on every one of his dish washing sins. I basically let him know that he was completely incapable of washing the dishes in a sanitary, efficient, and Earth-friendly manner. Mike answered all of my criticisms in a very obvious way……he hasn’t done dishes since.

Ugh! Why can’t I just let go of the things that don’t matter?

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This week’s topic is “Steps.” I know people are probably expecting me to have a picture of a flight of stairs, but I decided to think outside of the box.

Here are the “steps” involved in changing a bathroom faucet.

First, loosen the water lines and remove the old faucet.

Next, prepare the new faucet making sure the plumber’s putty is perfect.

Then, get under the sink and pull the new water lines through the countertop.

Finally, pose with Grandpa–the guy who taught you everything you know about plumbing.

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I’m at the end of my rope. ANOTHER thing in this house has broken. The other night we were watching From the Earth to the Moon with the kids. During the show, the cat was acting weird. He kept going down into the basement through the cat door, then coming back up. Over and over. His food and water are down there, but it’s unlike him to nibble like that.

I had to spy. The next time he went to the basement I snuck over and followed him. I was halfway down the basement stairs, but couldn’t figure out what his problem was. A few more steps down and I noticed a strange noise. It wasn’t the water softener cycling. It wasn’t the sump pump emptying the pit. It wasn’t the furnace. What was that noise? A few more steps closer and I realized it sounded like running water. And not a trickle of running water. It sounded like a fountain!

I opened the door to the back of the basement and saw the water–5 gallons per minute–spurting into our basement. The sump pump discharge line had come undone and the pump was spraying the water from the pit onto the basement floor. Luckily, the basement slopes toward the sump pit, so the water made it’s way back into the pit to start the cycle over again. I estimate it had been doing this for quite some time. The washer and dryer were soaked. The area under the softener and the well tank was drenched. The hot water tank was dripping.

I immediately yelled for Mike. In hind sight, I should have yelled for him to bring the camera. I mean, how cool would that be to have a picture of that on the blog? But alas, I didn’t think of it! He came down and we tried to formulate a plan of how to stop the madness. Let’s see….step in the very large puddle to unplug the sump pump? It was the only way. The pump instantly stopped pumping. Now we had to figure out the next step. After several failed attempts to reconnect the discharge line, we did the only thing we could. We called for help. Our neighbor is a certified handyman and has his own business fixing messes that schmucks like us can’t figure out how to fix. We called and he came over. Today I can say our sump pump is working well…..although I only run it if we’re at home. If we’re going to be away, I unplug it. I’m not ready to trust it 100% yet.

This is just the most recent thing in our lives that has broken down. You know about the dishwasher breaking. The refrigerator is making a funny vibrating noise. Our cat’s bladder was broken for several days–but nothing $116 to the vet and prescription food can’t fix. The shower grout in our master bathroom shower is cracking and it looks like spider webs. The shower drain intermittently leaks through the foyer ceiling. Pieces of our siding, just installed last spring, are blowing off due to high winds.

And now the sump pump fountain incident. Yet another breakdown.

I’m afraid the next breakdown will belong to me. It will be my nervous breakdown.

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