PREPARING FOR ADOLESCENCE
Posted by Karen on Apr 27 2007
As much as I didn’t want it to happen, my babies are growing up. KT (a shortened form of Katie) will be turning 13 in less than 3 months.) Every stage of her life to this point has had its challenges, but I’m not looking forward to what she is facing. I don’t envy her one bit. Puberty and adolescence are around the corner, and if I remember my own adolescent journey correctly, it was not a fun trip. Then again, I think I blocked most of it out of my conscious memory. I’m sure if I was hypnotized, stories of awkwardness and hurt feelings would flow freely from my lips. What an odd time of life this is–No longer a child, but not an adult either.
In preparation for the turmoil which is sure to ensue, KT and I went away this last weekend. We didn’t go far, only 40 minutes away, but it was a chance for us to spend the weekend together without distractions. Soon I will be the “meanest, stupidest mom in the world,” so this was a great chance for us to get away, talk, and reconnect. It was my chance to warn her of things she was sure to face: peer pressure, physical changes of her body, fickle girlfriends, boy crushes, etc. Having been through all of these situations, I could see how they all played out in the end. In the grand scheme of things, these issues were not as huge as I made them out to be in my teen years. But oh, they seemed larger-than-life when I was going through them. I just want to protect my kids from all of this craziness, but I know they have to go through it themselves.
Luckily, I had some help this weekend in talking to KT. I took along the Preparing for Adolescence CDs by Focus on the Family. It’s an 8 CD set covering topics like feelings of inferiority, pressure to conform, dating, puberty, and the meaning of love. The CDs are a bit dated (Dr. Dobson quotes statistics from the early 1970s), but other than that the ideas are timeless. In fact, there were times when things were brought up on the recording that hit home and reminded me of some of my own painful times as an awkward teen. This especially happened when Dr. Dobson talked about late bloomers (myself being a very late bloomer) and feelings of inadequacy surrounding it. Now I look back on that period of my life and know everything turned out just fine, but back then…..my, oh, my it was NOT fine.
We rotated our time this weekend between listening to the CDs, shopping, swimming in the hotel’s pool, and eating meals out. I learned a lot about KT and what’s going through her mind. She chatted a lot about crushes and self-esteem and nasty things her friends have already pulled on her. It was wonderful to be able to give her 100% of my attention without having to tend to Nick, Mike, laundry, cooking, and cleaning. She loved the fact she could call all of the shots from deciding which restaurant to eat at to how long to stay in the pool. And I loved the fact she’s going into this phase of her life armed with a little more information. I know I can’t protect her totally, but I hope I can lessen the blow.
on 27 Apr 2007 at 9:09 am 1 Mary said …
Karen - I think a girls weekend was a great idea. Happy to hear that you and KT got that special weekend together and I’m sure your insight will really help her with her transition to young lady.
Hard to believe she’s going to be a teenager soon. What next - sleeping in the halls with boys?
on 27 Apr 2007 at 9:24 am 2 Karen said …
Ok, I need to clarify Mary’s “sleeping in the halls with boys” statement because on it’s own that doesn’t sound so good!
Mary and her husband are great friends of ours. We have cruised with them a few times. On one of our cruises, one of the teen girls was locked out of her room one evening and couldn’t get in. Two teen boys that were in our sailing group decided to stay in the hall with her overnight to protect her. To this day the three of them are ribbed about sleeping in the hall together.
on 27 Apr 2007 at 11:18 am 3 Awesome Mom said …
That is a great idea. My mother would take up on long walks and pump us full of tips for the future. I think one of her best pieces of advice was to not date or marry a guy expecting to change him, it only leads to trouble.
You are lucky though since you only have one girl entering puberty. My mom had four daughters and whoo boy was our house loads of hormonal fun at certain times of the month.
on 27 Apr 2007 at 3:37 pm 4 Wishy said …
Great blog, Karen! Thanks for commenting at my blog, too. I love your point of view.
Warm regards,
Wishy
www.wishythewriter.com
on 28 Apr 2007 at 3:05 am 5 Greg said …
Hey Karen -
I just had to comment . . . your weekend away with your daughter having fun and learning about what future choices she will be faced with is what every parent needs to do. Dobson’s Preparing for Adolescence is a gem, but I just wanted to point you to another program that I did with my 11 year old son a couple of years ago. He is now 13.
The program is called Purity Weekend. The purpose of the weekend is to get away together with your child and have some fun, and talk about deeply important issues such as dating, sex, friendships, peer pressure, etc. It comes with several CD’s that walks you through how to prepare etc. Several little projects are done throughout the program to teach a lesson about the topic at hand. These projects were simply life changing for both of us. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to talk about the difficult issues that our teens will be facing.
As mentioned my son is now 13 years old. His best friend went through it together, too, with his dad. The boys are on the same page in terms of girls and what God wants for them. We openly talk about the details and often refer back to those discussions.
Congratulations! Few parents really take the time to do what you did and I am sure it was one of the best times you and your daughter have had together!
Greg
on 28 Apr 2007 at 3:36 pm 6 Debbie Mohollen said …
What a great idea. I can’t say I did anything as monumental, but at 14, my daughter and I still have our nightly bedtime chats, with me perch on her bed in the dark. So far, she is still open to what I have to say. I’m still mean and stupid at various points of the week, but every night, we reconnect.
She wasn’t pleased with some conditions I put on an evening out that she wanted the other day, but a day later (before her night out) she told me she thought about it and “I now know why you are doing this and I understand and respect it. I’m sorry for giving you a hard time.”
Genuine or snowing me? Time will tell, but right now, my gut is telling me genuine.
I pray for all us Moms of teenagers - and ask for blessings for those that came before us!
Debbie
on 28 Apr 2007 at 4:02 pm 7 Carmi said …
You have created a memory that KT will cherish forever, and in doing so have reaffirmed why you’re a great mom. I’m impressed and inspired.
BTW, I followed your link home from Roxanne’s (SRP/Melange) site, and I look forward to reading more. I hope you’ll pop by my site and say hi as well.
All the best,
Carmi
http://writteninc.blogspot.com/
on 30 Apr 2007 at 9:30 am 8 Brystal said …
Hi Karen,
I just thought I would recommend a great book, Raising a Modern Day Knight, by Robert Lewis. It is directed for Fathers rasing boys but I know a family who has done similarly for their daughter as well. Just another good resource. We use many of the Foucs on the Family resources and love them.
Best Regards,
Brystal
on 03 May 2007 at 2:07 am 9 K&L'sMomma said …
What a great idea. My daughter is only 3 years old. However, as a typical mother, I worry about everything even though it is something that can happen in a month or in 10 years.
My daughter is a wonderful and loving older sister to her 5 month old brother. However, whenever I am playing with my son, I can see in her eyes a longing to be mommy’s baby again.
After reading your blog, I decided to go on a Mommy-daughter trip to Dairy Queen (ice cream). Thanks for the wonderful stories.
on 25 May 2007 at 12:07 pm 10 Jennifer said …
That is a great idea. My oldest katherine just turned 12 and I know it is only going to get harder!! I need to do something like this.