THE METAL BOOKENDS WERE THE WORST!
Posted by Karen on Jan 30 2008
Ok, women. A show of hands….. How many of you out there have received the email about preparing for a mammogram? If by some chance you’ve missed out on it, here’s how the email says to prepare for the test:
Step 1: Open the refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for 5 seconds. Repeat with other breast.
Step 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides and repeat with the other breast.
Step 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again.
Wow, with those sorts of images in my brain, I’m just a little nervous about my appointment this afternoon. Now that I’ve celebrated the first anniversary of my 39th birthday, apparently I get to partake in this ritual.
Oh, I’ve had a real life friend tell me it’s not that bad, but still….
I know it’s important to do, but I don’t have to like it!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 11:17 am 1 SmockLady said …
I will be 39 for the first time in March. I have already had 2 of those lovelies. Family history and all, I had one at 21 and another at 30. No, you do not have to like it. And if you do? I will not be back, you sicko! Just kidding. I will be thinking of you. After this post you know you have to post a follow-up of the experience.
on 30 Jan 2008 at 11:23 am 2 Mary said …
Been there done that too many times to count. The 15 minutes or so of being uncomfortable is worth it to know everything is fine. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon as you go through your first one. {{{HUGS}}}
on 30 Jan 2008 at 12:25 pm 3 Awesome Mom said …
Good luck!!!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 1:13 pm 4 ValleyGirl said …
Ugh. I’m so not looking forward to that! Have you seen the comics circulating about mammograms? Let me know and I’ll send you the ones I’ve got.
on 30 Jan 2008 at 1:19 pm 5 Christy said …
I totally agree with Mary. I would think that the reassurance of knowing things are ok would be well worth the not-so-fleeting pain!
Good luck! Holler if you need a word of encouragement!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 1:30 pm 6 Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said …
I’ll be interested to hear how it goes - I’ve got my annual appt. in Feb. and I know that they’re going to send me for my first mammogram too (since she suggested it last year and I opted out then). Your post isn’t exactly confidence-building though, LOL!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 1:40 pm 7 Pinkaholic Mom said …
I turned 38 (I think that’s right, sometimes I have to double check on myspace…LOL) for the first and last time in November, but I had my first mammogram a little over a year ago. If you haven’t already had it done by the time you read this, it wasn’t bad at all. My concern was that I heard stories about how it’s even worse for flat chested women (that’s ME), but I can honestly say that the worse part of it was being put in awkward positions just to squeeze between the 2 “bookshelves”. Anyway, I hope all went well.
on 30 Jan 2008 at 4:31 pm 8 Becka said …
I hope all went well. I have yet to go through this. Not looking forward to it.
on 30 Jan 2008 at 8:57 pm 9 Teri said …
Can’t wait to hear the outcome of your smashing, I mean testing, today!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 10:44 pm 10 peppermint t said …
I had to have a mammogram when I was 14 — and I didn’t have much in the breast department. It hurt because the technician was used to having a little more to squeeze between the bookends.
Good luck with yours!
on 30 Jan 2008 at 11:12 pm 11 CouldBeAnyone said …
Step 3 is closest to what I’ve experienced. Good luck.
on 31 Jan 2008 at 7:55 am 12 Patricia (Pollywog Creek) said …
Trust me when I tell you that the procedure has improved over the years. I’m not saying it is pleasant or anything, just not as bad as it used to be. =)
So tell us…was it as bad, not as bad, as you expected?